Fratboy Flaks

Does anyone else wonder why major news organizations constantly quote spokesmen whenever politicians get into spats? I'm not talking about background information from campaigns, which no doubt is invaluable. I'm also not talking about substantive points from aides. I'm talking about the stupid, predictable "sound bite" quotes that come from PR people.

An example from the AP, quoting a Romney flak: "While we'd all like to be able to join Mr. Edwards and laugh off $400 haircuts, Mitt Romney believes that working families should be able to keep more of their money," Craig Stevens said.

That's like Swift Boat Lite. It allows the candidate to appear "presidential" while his people take jabs at opponents. Had Romney brought up Edwards' haircuts -- something that would never happen -- it would be newsworthy. To quote the aide is idiotic.

I know the rationale: Reporters can't always reach candidates, so they take what they can get from PR people. Even in my role as a sports editor at a college-town paper in Virginia, I understand how difficult it can be to get a hold of, say, a university president. But I would never quote his spokesman taking a cheap shot at somebody -- and not because of some holier-than-thou attitude. I just think it's dumb. The quotes add nothing to the public discourse and nothing to our understanding of the candidates (if only because they all do it). They just give one side a giggle and piss off the other side, like frat boys playing pranks on each other.

Hot Streets

For some reason I love this street scene from NYC. Yeah, yeah. I know. The guy is sexy as shit. But beyond that, it captures the city's feel on a sizzling summer day, I think. I took it in mid-July on the West Side. (You need to click onto the image to get the full effect.)

Yum July 27: Fresh Summer Pasta

This only works if you have fresh summer tomatoes -- like out of your garden or from the farmers market. It's a raw "sauce" that gets heated a little by the cooked pasta. A very summery flavor.

1) Chop some fresh summer tomatoes into a bowl (mix in some heirlooms, if you have them).
2) Chop in some fresh basil.
3) Mince a few garlic cloves and throw them in the bowl.
4) Add a splash of balsamic vinegar.
5) Drizzle generously with good olive oil.
7) Add salt and black pepper (I use sea salt and freshly ground pepper).
7) Add some pine nuts if you choose.
8) Mix everything together and let is sit while you boil water and cook penne pasta.
9) Drain the pasta and add it to the bowl.
10) Top with reg-parm (I use the cheaper, less-aged wedges).\
11) Mix it all together.

Quick and good.

The Sexist Billboard Ever

Armani Exchange has this billboard up all over NYC (top). It absolutely oozes sexuality, I think. Of course, the gay world's favorite shop doesn't ignore the homoerotic, either, as the ad below shows.

Yum 3

Here's a really good summer dish I concocted -- it's especially good if you have access to home-grown vegetables:

1) In olive oil, saute a small leek, a few cloves of garlic, two-thirds of a diced jalapeno pepper and about half a sweet bell pepper (red, orange or yellow) for a few minutes.
2) Add thinly sliced zucchini and yellow squash (a couple of medium ones, or four small ones). Sprinkle with salt and lots of freshly ground black pepper. Let it fry until you have to scrape the skillet.
3) Add a few fresh tomatoes, fresh parsley, a little fresh basil and some tomato juice (like from a can of diced tomatoes) and one-third to one-half a can of cannellini beans.
4) Add a few shakes of low-sodium soy sauce.
5) Cook on medium-high heat for a while, stirring occasionally to keep it from sticking (though the tomato juice also does that).

When it's done, serve over rice (which, of course, you should have started cooking before the main dish). I've used brown (tastier and more nutritious) or white (quicker). Top with shavings of parm-reg cheese.

For a salad, I sliced some strips of not-quite-ripe avocado, some strips of ripe papaya and a couple handfuls of mesclun lettuce sprinkled with salt and pepper. The dressing: the juice of two limes, a slurp of olive oil and a slurp of maple syrup.

Why Gay.com?

Guys have three reasons for logging onto gay.com: 1) they're horny, 2) they're lonely, or 3) they're socializing. Each is a perfectly good excuse for clicking onto a Web site that has both taken the toilets out of cruising and become the 21st century gay man's version of a town square.

Clearly, the cruising role is fundamental, but it isn't necessarily primary. Yes, gay.com is sex driven. Hang out in a big-city chat room for a few minutes and you're virtually guaranteed a quick hook-up -- assuming you want one. And lots of guys DO want one. But plenty of others are there just to chat, either because they're lonely or because they like the company. I've made lots of cyber friends and a handful of flesh-and-blood friends thanks to gay.com, and they're always mega-interesting people.

Of course, you do have to pick and choose. For me, a "way left" under the politics portion of the profile is a huge turn-on. So is a cute wit and sense of humor. Turn-offs are multiple, too. Among them:

1) A picture of your dick. You know, certain things should remain a mystery. I guess some guys get insta-chubbies when they see a penis staring at them. For me, it's just a total yawn. Not to mention classless.

2) A butt spread out like a filleted chicken breast. Again, not my cup of tea. I mean, a little butt is fine, but I can do without the visual anatomy lesson. If you insist on displaying your butt, please be under 30. A kid's butt is inherently cute; an older guy's butt is borderline gross. (And, for the record, I'm 20 years over the limit.)

3) Screen names of guys in their 30s or 40s that include "boy" or "kid." Um, here's a little piece of intelligence fresh from Bush's covert NSA spy program: You're NOT a kid anymore. Now, let me stress that I like guys who retain a young demeanor, be they 30 or 50 or 70. Too many "adults" become boring, closed-minded and humorless. BUT that doesn't mean you're a "boy" or "kid," so stop the subterfuge, please.

4) Guys whose first question is: "What do you like to do?" Answer: "I like to X you off my screen."

5) People who don't have enough balls to post a picture of themselves. These guys may be great folks, but you've gotta have some guts. I assume they're staying anonymous for one of two reasons: 1) they're unsightly, or 2) they don't want people to know they're gay. I do have sympathy for Reason No. 1. If a guy is fat or thinks he's unattractive for another reason, the only way he might be able to chat with people is by hiding his appearance. His goal, I suppose, is to get his foot in the door -- to get to know a guy, mesh personality-wise and then hope that looks don't matter. (Yeah, right. This is GAY.com, remember?) Reason No. 2 is just stupid. I mean, first of all, if you're on a gay site that requires you to register, your straight boss or straight brother or straight arch-enemy isn't likely to find your profile. And, second, nobody wants to chat with a blank face. Grow a set of balls and post your picture.

6) Guys who talk about nothing but sex. Usually, these are older people, like 40 and over. Why I don't know. Maybe because they're jaded and don't want to "waste their time" making friends with someone. Maybe because they've been cruising so long they've lost all sense of romance. Sad really.

Anyway, gay.com is cool. You just have to know why you're there and why the guy you're chatting with is there.

Random Thoughts on a Friday Night

1) I was startled to see a Virginia license plate here this week that read: "NOMOMEX." Offensive? Unless I'm reading it completely wrong, I think so. But, then, I also for the first time saw a Sons of the Confederacy plate with a tiny Rebel flag affixed to it. For a minute, I thought I'd been flushed into Mississippi. I wonder if Virginia would allow the Human Rights Campaign or PETA or NORML or a pro-abortion group to have special plates. I know, I know. The Sons of the Confederacy represents part of the state's heritage. So does a noose. Doesn't mean I want it on license plates.

2) Queen Anne's Lace might be my favorite weedy flower. It's no tulip, but there's something wonderfully egalitarian about this plain-jane white flower. It seems to grow anywhere. I've seen it in the high mountains of West Virginia, and I've read that it's also common in Sicily -- meaning its habitat includes both northern and Mediterranean climates. Today, driving through Harrisonburg, I saw a clump of them growing out of a mound of dirt at a construction site. Cool, I thought. Even its fragrance is down-to-earth -- a very faint sweetness if you put your nose directly on the flower. Ironically, the English -- supposedly so frilly compared to Americans -- have a different name for Queen Anne's Lace: wild carrot. How perfectly egalitarian.

The Gong Show -- American Democracy At Work

American presidential elections jumped the shark in 1988. Remember Michael Dukakis in the tank, looking like a Tonka Toy puttering around the yard? Or Willie Horton, a Massachusetts criminal whom the Republicans twisted into a symbol of Dukakis' supposedly squishy soft record on crime? Or the clinical answer Dukakis gave when asked during a debate what he would do if his wife were brutalized and raped? Or Lloyd Bentson eviscerating Dan Quayle?

Such is how we select the leader of the free world.

Ensuing elections weren't quite so comically idiotic, mostly because they got slicker. Bill Clinton stands up and walks toward the audience during a debate, and the people cheer. George The First glances at his wristwatch during a debate, and the people scowl. An uncommonly bright man, Al Gore, is ridiculed, while an uncommonly dumb man, George The Second, follows his handlers' script straight to the White House. John Kerry, a decorated war veteran, is trashed for his service, while a chicken-hawk, George The Second again, is portrayed as a man of courage and vision.

Out of this come the candidates who, presumably, possess the intellectual firepower and intellectual honesty to deal with Islamic terrorism, dwindling oil resources, China's emergence as a superpower, global warming, the potential of a society-crippling flu pandemic, the changing face of America and a cruel megalomaniac in a nuclear-armed North Korea. Not to mention health care and the environment and social issues like abortion and gay rights.

The platform we've chosen to test these men and women adds insult to injury: two rural, white states that reflect American society as accurately as a carnival mirror.

Having said all of that, I'm utterly addicted to the entire stupid charade. I'm glued to CSPAN this time of year, watching the candidates' antics at diners, parades, businesses and rallies throughout Iowa and New Hampshire.

With that in mind, here's my thumbnail views on the men and women who would lead us:

DEMOCRATS

Hillary Clinton: I respect her command of issues and her experience. I think she was wrong on Iraq for way too long, but I also don't think she would have launched a "preemptive" strike. I also think she would do almost anything to become president, which isn't necessarily a deal-killer. And, hey, we'd get Billy Boy back.

Barack Obama: I really like his brain-power and his thoughtfulness. I really don't like his lack of fire. Overall, though, he's my man. Being black and multi-cultural is a huge plus, simply because it brings a mindset that whites rarely can match. He was right on Iraq from the beginning, though I'd like to see him be more radical in his exit plan.

John Edwards: Man, that youtube video of him preening is devastating. He looks so fake. But I think that's just because he's been a lawyer and politician his whole life, meaning a degree of subterfuge is ingrained in him. I do believe his views on two Americas -- rich and poor -- are sincere and correct. And I respect his forthright acknowledgement that he was wrong to vote for the Iraq invasion. I'd enthusiastically vote for him, either for prez or veep.

Bill Richardson: The man should have more gravitas than he's given credit for. Nobel Peace Prize nominee, cabinet member, governor. He's got credentials. But ... he lacks "it."

Joe Biden: OK, he is gabby, but articulately so. He's extremely reasonable -- if that's possible. But he seems like yesterday's news.

Dennis Kucinich: Gotta love Dennis The Menace. Not only is he dead-right on almost every issue, but he's also a vegetarian. Sadly, he looks like Alfred E. Neuman (the Mad magazine guy) and is totally unelectable.

Chris Dodd: The former party animal is a very likeable candidate. But he completely lacks presidential presence.

Mike Gravel: A gruffer Kocinich. Plus, he looks like a libertarian.

Al Gore: Not a candidate. Not a chance.


REPUBLICANS

Rudy Giuliani: How weak are the Republicans? Look who's leading the polls. My god. This guy's personality would kill him before Labor Day. Yes, he was a profile in courage during 9/11. No, that doesn't qualify him to be president.

Mitt Romney: It's become politically incorrect to mention that Romney is a Mormon. But he is, and a devout one. That's a legitimate political issue, just as Joe Lieberman's extremely conservative Judaism was in 2000. Why? Simply because both men have made a point of wearing their religion on their sleeves. And, it should be noted, the question isn't one of faith; it's how closely Romney would adhere to Mormon doctrine on social issues.

John McCain: I have no doubt McCain would melt down under the glare of a national campaign. Give him credit for standing tall on issues he really believes in -- immigration reform and campaign finance reform, both anathema to the right wing -- but I question his stability. And he's delusional on Iraq. (Remember the infamous stroll through the market in Baghdad?) Plus, he looks like 100 rather than 70.

Fred Thompson: He was a lousy senator and he'd be a lousy president. He's definitely positioning himself on the rabid right. Earlier, I thought he was the biggest threat to Democrats. I still think he has the charm and acting ability to fool America and get into the White House. But I'm hoping his extremely conservative views will eventually sour the public on him.

Tommy Thompson: I've seen way too much of this clown on CSPAN. He's the most awkward, annoying campaigner in history. Zero chance.

Sam Brownback: I respect Brownback. I think he's genuine, and I was impressed that he spoke at one of the memorial services for -- I think -- Coretta Scott King. He's a thoughtul guy who's just too damn religious. Hence, he's wrong on every issue.

Jim Gilmore: Please, get this nobody off TV. He has the charisma of a doorknob, and his legacy in life will be cutting the car tax as governor of Virginia. Yay. And doesn't America really need a former party chairman as its leader?

Tom Tancredo: The good thing about him is he's helping ensure that the Democratic Party will get the lion's share of Latino votes for decades to come. His anti-immigrant rhetoric is disgusting.

Ron Paul: OK, I love his views on Iraq. But he's a libertarian, so there's the wacko factor.

In short, I don't think there's a winner in the Republican field.

Yum 2

This is vegetarian version of Brazilian stew. I checked out various recipes, using one in Vegetarian Times as a rough base. But instead of tempeh or potatoes, I used mushrooms to give it a hearty taste. It ain't bad.

1) In a skillet with onions and olive oil, saute a box of sliced mushrooms (I used baby portabellos). Sprinkle them with salt, pepper and low-sodium soy sauce. Toss in some freshly chopped parsley.

2) In a deep skillet, saute a red onion, three-quarters of a jalapeno pepper and a sliced celery stalk in olive oil and the juice of one lime.

3) After the onions have cooked for a few minutes, add 1 cup of vegetable broth, a can of black beans (or, if you have the patience, uncanned black beans), some fresh chopped tomatoes, a couple cloves of minced garlic, a half of a minced chipotle chile in adobo sauce (weird little things), the previously sauteed mushrooms, some dried italian herbs, a few minced basil leaves, a dash of Saigon cinnamon, a small slurp of maple syrup, the juice of another lime, salt and pepper. At the end, stir in some freshly chopped parsley.

4) Simmer for 20-30 minutes, covered (or uncovered if you want it to be crispier).

5) Serve one of two ways: a) as a soup that you can dip crusty bread into (I used a walnut-raisin bread), or b) as a stew on top of rice (delish). Toss in some cheese chunks if you choose (anything from cheddar to mozz).

Thoughts on a Summer Night

Random thoughts on a Saturday night:

1) I think I have a new favorite Edward Hopper painting. I still love "Nighthawks," the stark, lonely diner in Greenwich Village. But I think I like "Gas" even better. It reminds me of my visits as a kid to my grandmother's house in the mountains of West Virginia.

2) Nothing -- nothing -- smells worse that rotten tomatoes. Unless it's rotten bananas.

3) After five decades, it's official: my two favorite fruits (shut up) are cherries (especially Rainier) and watermelon. I eat them non-stop from June to August.

4) I continue to think Obama would make a fab prez. But he isn't catching fire, I think, because of his low-key rhetoric and because of his extreme caution. His cat-and-mouse game with Hillary on the Iraq vote a few weeks ago was disgusting. It was a great opportunity for him to demonstrate leadership, regardless of the fallout. Instead, he played crass politics.

5) A friend showed me a study by a University of Virginia prof on how most straight guys have a visceral repulsion toward gays. The reason: Gay sex disgusts them. No duh.

6) If you had any doubt that Dick Cheney is an evil puppet-master, read the Washington Post series on how he helped steer America into the Iraq war, how he made sure the U.S. was allowed to torture prisoners and hold them indefinitely without charges, and how he helped circumvent environmental safeguards. That is one son of a bitch.

7) Do your brain a favor and read "Looming Tower" by Stephen Wright. It's a fascinating account of the rise of Islamic extremism. Regardless of your political beliefs, you'll come away with a far better understanding of Osama and his crowd.

8) I played Gay Gumshoe the other day. (It seems, by the way, that nobody under 40 knows what a "gumshoe" is; it's a private eye.) A straight friend asked me to check out his 18-year-old cousin's myspace page to see if I could detect his sexuality. The reason: the kid had asked somebody else about ways people commit suicide, and my friend was worried about him. After 20 minutes or so, I concluded, with near certainty, that he was gay -- newly minted, though, and worried about the consequences of his orientation. I asked a college-age friend in Houston to check it out, too. It took him maybe 25 seconds. Verdict: gay. Anyway, I passed on the info to my pal. I hope he talks to him. Soon.