Guys have three reasons for logging onto gay.com: 1) they're horny, 2) they're lonely, or 3) they're socializing. Each is a perfectly good excuse for clicking onto a Web site that has both taken the toilets out of cruising and become the 21st century gay man's version of a town square.
Clearly, the cruising role is fundamental, but it isn't necessarily primary. Yes, gay.com is sex driven. Hang out in a big-city chat room for a few minutes and you're virtually guaranteed a quick hook-up -- assuming you want one. And lots of guys DO want one. But plenty of others are there just to chat, either because they're lonely or because they like the company. I've made lots of cyber friends and a handful of flesh-and-blood friends thanks to gay.com, and they're always mega-interesting people.
Of course, you do have to pick and choose. For me, a "way left" under the politics portion of the profile is a huge turn-on. So is a cute wit and sense of humor. Turn-offs are multiple, too. Among them:
1) A picture of your dick. You know, certain things should remain a mystery. I guess some guys get insta-chubbies when they see a penis staring at them. For me, it's just a total yawn. Not to mention classless.
2) A butt spread out like a filleted chicken breast. Again, not my cup of tea. I mean, a little butt is fine, but I can do without the visual anatomy lesson. If you insist on displaying your butt, please be under 30. A kid's butt is inherently cute; an older guy's butt is borderline gross. (And, for the record, I'm 20 years over the limit.)
3) Screen names of guys in their 30s or 40s that include "boy" or "kid." Um, here's a little piece of intelligence fresh from Bush's covert NSA spy program: You're NOT a kid anymore. Now, let me stress that I like guys who retain a young demeanor, be they 30 or 50 or 70. Too many "adults" become boring, closed-minded and humorless. BUT that doesn't mean you're a "boy" or "kid," so stop the subterfuge, please.
4) Guys whose first question is: "What do you like to do?" Answer: "I like to X you off my screen."
5) People who don't have enough balls to post a picture of themselves. These guys may be great folks, but you've gotta have some guts. I assume they're staying anonymous for one of two reasons: 1) they're unsightly, or 2) they don't want people to know they're gay. I do have sympathy for Reason No. 1. If a guy is fat or thinks he's unattractive for another reason, the only way he might be able to chat with people is by hiding his appearance. His goal, I suppose, is to get his foot in the door -- to get to know a guy, mesh personality-wise and then hope that looks don't matter. (Yeah, right. This is GAY.com, remember?) Reason No. 2 is just stupid. I mean, first of all, if you're on a gay site that requires you to register, your straight boss or straight brother or straight arch-enemy isn't likely to find your profile. And, second, nobody wants to chat with a blank face. Grow a set of balls and post your picture.
6) Guys who talk about nothing but sex. Usually, these are older people, like 40 and over. Why I don't know. Maybe because they're jaded and don't want to "waste their time" making friends with someone. Maybe because they've been cruising so long they've lost all sense of romance. Sad really.
Anyway, gay.com is cool. You just have to know why you're there and why the guy you're chatting with is there.
Clearly, the cruising role is fundamental, but it isn't necessarily primary. Yes, gay.com is sex driven. Hang out in a big-city chat room for a few minutes and you're virtually guaranteed a quick hook-up -- assuming you want one. And lots of guys DO want one. But plenty of others are there just to chat, either because they're lonely or because they like the company. I've made lots of cyber friends and a handful of flesh-and-blood friends thanks to gay.com, and they're always mega-interesting people.
Of course, you do have to pick and choose. For me, a "way left" under the politics portion of the profile is a huge turn-on. So is a cute wit and sense of humor. Turn-offs are multiple, too. Among them:
1) A picture of your dick. You know, certain things should remain a mystery. I guess some guys get insta-chubbies when they see a penis staring at them. For me, it's just a total yawn. Not to mention classless.
2) A butt spread out like a filleted chicken breast. Again, not my cup of tea. I mean, a little butt is fine, but I can do without the visual anatomy lesson. If you insist on displaying your butt, please be under 30. A kid's butt is inherently cute; an older guy's butt is borderline gross. (And, for the record, I'm 20 years over the limit.)
3) Screen names of guys in their 30s or 40s that include "boy" or "kid." Um, here's a little piece of intelligence fresh from Bush's covert NSA spy program: You're NOT a kid anymore. Now, let me stress that I like guys who retain a young demeanor, be they 30 or 50 or 70. Too many "adults" become boring, closed-minded and humorless. BUT that doesn't mean you're a "boy" or "kid," so stop the subterfuge, please.
4) Guys whose first question is: "What do you like to do?" Answer: "I like to X you off my screen."
5) People who don't have enough balls to post a picture of themselves. These guys may be great folks, but you've gotta have some guts. I assume they're staying anonymous for one of two reasons: 1) they're unsightly, or 2) they don't want people to know they're gay. I do have sympathy for Reason No. 1. If a guy is fat or thinks he's unattractive for another reason, the only way he might be able to chat with people is by hiding his appearance. His goal, I suppose, is to get his foot in the door -- to get to know a guy, mesh personality-wise and then hope that looks don't matter. (Yeah, right. This is GAY.com, remember?) Reason No. 2 is just stupid. I mean, first of all, if you're on a gay site that requires you to register, your straight boss or straight brother or straight arch-enemy isn't likely to find your profile. And, second, nobody wants to chat with a blank face. Grow a set of balls and post your picture.
6) Guys who talk about nothing but sex. Usually, these are older people, like 40 and over. Why I don't know. Maybe because they're jaded and don't want to "waste their time" making friends with someone. Maybe because they've been cruising so long they've lost all sense of romance. Sad really.
Anyway, gay.com is cool. You just have to know why you're there and why the guy you're chatting with is there.
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