The Low-Down On Low-Rise

OK, I'll say it: I hate low-rise jeans.

I hate them on guys. I hate them on girls. I even hate them on mannequins.

They're just so in-your-face. On girls, they look slutty. On guys, they look exhibitionist.

Now, let me stress: I'm not making value judgments on the wearers. I might be making a value judgment on the butt beneath the denim, but I'm not making a value judgment on the person. Some of my best friends wear low-rise jeans.

I just think they're totally un-sexy. First off, a woman's butt wasn't made to be contained in such a scant amount of fabric. They kind of spread and flop when so packaged. As for guys, their butts just look better when wrapped in slightly baggy denim. A little aura of mystery, as I've suggested before, is good.

Of course, people wear low-rise jeans in an effort to expose more skin. Girls show a few more inches of belly beneath the navel; guys show a lot more of their boxers and sometimes a hint of flesh here and there. But it just ain't worth the aesthetic cost.

On a related matter, I also sneer at girls who wear sweat pants or shorts with words emblazoned across their butts. The lack of subtlety is a total turn-off. (Well, I'm gay, so not a sexual turn-off because I was never turned on, but you know what I mean.) Needless to say, by putting words on their asses, they're trying to draw your eyes to their butts. Again, it's just too in-your-face. It's like the difference between bottled lemonade and freshly squeezed lemonade -- one slams your taste buds with sugar and citrus, the other tickles them with a hint of natural lemon. (Is that a bit strained?)

I guess the bottom line (heehee) is that I prefer a more natural sexuality. For instance, a lot of gay guys dress to show skin and then go out of their way to display it in front of cute guys. To me, it's far more enticing to see a guy who dresses less overtly sexy -- showing off his physique, showing a little skin inadvertently -- than one who activates Strip Mode when he sees a prospective mate.

Now, let me stress: There is a fine line here. For instance, guys who always wear their shirts tucked deep in their pants are just as much a turn-off. With them, there's no hope of seeing a bit of skin when they stretch or lean over or walk into a stiff wind. And I insist on guys unbuttoning the bottom button on their untucked shirts. Again, it's a matter of subtlety.